Messed Up

I'm feeling generally pretty lonely lately...it's no fun :( I just feel like I'm drifting away from so many people I am so close to, and it's so weird because just a few weeks ago, everything was fine. Like, a few weeks ago, I was totally cool with how life is, but now everything is slowly, but surley, going to down the drain. I wish there was some way that I could fix everything and reconnect with those people. I have no idea how though...I also feel like a friend of mine isn't treating me fairly. Again, everything was perfectly fine a few weeks ago! Now I'm being dissed to my face and behind my back apparantly. I've been through this crap so many times before, I thought that maybe at this point in my life I could escape from all that. Apparantly I was wrong. I can't seem to get away from people who shoot me down all the time. I wish I had an idea why...I have no clue! Is it my personality? Is it the way I do things, or think about things? What in this world is it that makes me a person that is an easy target for being shot down all the time? It's not fair anymore...I'm so sick of this crap. I'm sick of losing people in my life, who I care about so much, I would call them my family, and I'm so bloody sick of being shot down all the time. I wish the big guy up there can just give me a restart button on life sometimes...maybe there is a way I can change and be less of a volnurable person. I dunno. Or maybe it was just meant to be this way...and I was meant to live my life and one person always gets to shoot me down. Not once in my life have I not had someone who tries to kick me down right after I finish getting up again. Life isn't fair. Nor is it easy. Sometimes I just feel like everything I say or do doesn't have as much meaning anymore. Does it even? If so, who in my life thinks so? I wish I could be more of a strong person when it comes to sticking up for myself. Once my self-esteem has even an ounce of damage to it, I'm screwed over for a really long time. In chemistry, a guy in my class called me a bitch because he was mad at me for trying to get him to do his work. (Yeah, very logical way to solve a problem, isn't it?) Anyways, I just got over that...and that happened almost 2 and a half weeks ago. If I could just get closer with the people I am slowly drifting away from once more, I would be on top of the world again. I may just be over thinking again...I don't know. I also want some respect, damnit, seriously. I want to feel like I matter. Sometimes, I don't. Like now. Thinkng about certain song lyrics help this I suppose. Or thinking about the people who do care about me. I love you guys :) *hugs* haha, yeah, there are a few people out there who I know care, and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. I would be so lost without them. So to finish of this somewhat mellow and unhappy blog post, I'll quote one of my all time favorite songs that makes me feel better if I feel sad. The whole song actually, but I'll make a second post for that :) *sigh* well I feel a little better now. Ranting sure feels good :)