I Am Back.

Like, I said; I am back. YAY!

I thought that right now would be a good time for a block post, considering the following points;
A) I haven't posted since, like, october.
B) I feel happily emotional this evening.
C) The nose plays. Crap.

Okay, so there is a new cd that came out: Danger Days of the Fabulous Killjoys - MCR and the songs are actually super duper amazing sauce, and the songs are actually very relatable. The songs of this album have put me in the mood I am in now, which is a good one. I feel rather thoughtful and positive.

The song that I am listening to right now is called "Sing" and is mostly about, you guessed it, singing. More figuratively than not however. I do not feel like analyzing it, but it makes me feel good. So there. So does "Na Na Na" which is basically about not caring and watching the world blow up. It's very nice. "The Only Hope For Me Is You" is a very sweet song, and I love it too. I lo ve the messages that the album is showing. Usually they are like "Life is mean and let's yell about it RAWWWWR" which I also enjoy, but this one is more "Care about yourself and don't let the world hold you back from what you want" which I absolutly love about it.

My name is Ashley and I approve this cd.

See, the funny thing is that I want this badly, but there is a HUGE spider as the logo for the cd cover. If you are not aware, I am very much aracnophobic. Like, seriously. One time there was a tiny little spider in the car above my seat and I burst into histaric tears. Yeah, not so fun.

Spiders are actually so gross, however, I can stand scorpians and snakes. In fact, I rather like snakes, as long as they are not chewing on me and spitting venom in my blood stream causing me to start nervous convulsions and then being rushed to the hospital and having to get it all pumped out of me and then not being able to go to school and obtain all my credits to graduate high school and because I would be recovering I would have to eat cold hospital food and have to use straws when I drink liquids like chocolate milk and i don't like drinking chocolate milk from a straw because it ruins it for me and then I will be sad and have to result in drinking milkshakes rather than chocolate milk with a straw which I suppose wouldn't be so bad considering that I also love milkshakes.

Now I want a milkshake.

Well, that's it for today. Until next time :)

And Here We Go Again...

Here we are. First couple weeks of school, getting use to a busy lifestyle and trying to find some free time to ourselves instead of doing homework.

Oh goody.

Nah, to be honest, school isn't that bad. I actually do enjoy it, but lately, it has been hell-in-a-building, I swear...my friends are the only thing that are keeping me from completly breaking down. I love you guys. Thank you.

I went to California for a week and missed a week of school. Though I had a heck of a time catching up (almost done doing that; I just have one more test...), everything is slowly down...finally. Not so much stress, or work, or late late nights. Like today for instance. I haven't done a single peice of homework yet this evening. No, I do not intend to. That's the beauty of Fridays.

I'm still kinda depressed, so I might just do some unstressing thingys...NOT yoga, that actually just pissed me off cuz I always just fall over...*sigh* Music is my escape. I'm seriously considering writing my own songs and such, and learning the guitar. That might be my new hobby now...hm.

Being a part of a band is a big dream of mine. I firmly believe any dream you have can come true. You just need to be dedicated enough to make it happen. And I totally am.

There's a club at school apparantly that is singing/songwriting, so I totally want to look into that...maybe that will be my first steps. Exciting, eh?

Until next time :)

A New Step

First day of grade 12 tomorrow.

Mixed emotions indeed. I'll make a longer post tomorrow. Until then...

Wish all of us starting school soon luck :)

Vents and Rants

Why does everything have to be so angrying?

Seriously though, my stress level has completly exploded from the last time I was stressed. I haven't been stressed since June. Until now. Ugh.
I'm trying to prepare for my tae kwon do belt test...so many steps. I also found out that I have to run 10K in a few weeks on my own time instead of with the rest of my do jang on the Terry Fox Run, do to the fact I will be in California. YAY to Calirfornia, not so much yay for the 10K run.

I also have an essay to write, and yeah, I'm working on it, I did a lot today, but I'm so sick of it T^T I just wanna enjoy the last part of my summer; not get constant headaches (which I have had everyday for the past week, pretty much) and pains about it.

Okay, I'm getting annoyed with my complaining. Lets move on to something say...happy? It felt nice to vent though. :)

Getting ready to get back to school. Woot, woot. Hahaha, no actually it's alright. You know, school really isn't that bad once you think about it. All your friends are there, and some cafeterias have good food (mmm...my schools muffins and cookies. Probably have, like, one billion calories, but no one really cares. Too yummy.)
and you get to get some new stuff to start out the year. I got a backpack that was suppose to be $50 for 50% off at one of my favorite stores! YAY! It even came with a beer can opener! CHYEA~ However, since I am not 18, I will not bring a 12 pack to school and chug away in my classes.

Twould be funny. But a bad idea.

I also just bought an Ipod Touch. YAY~ I am actually treating it like it's my own child :P I won't put it on a surface unless it has something non-scratchy to support it AND I am such a freak about getting as much music as humanly possible onto it. So far, a few wicked cool CD's, and eventually I will skip over to Itunes and buy some tunes. For that what it is made for. Myes.

Apps as well. OOOOOOHHHHHHH so excited about apps~ I mostly want a game called Leaf Trombone (which is kinda like guitar hero, in a way, except you use a slide to match up the colors instead of buttons to hit like guitar frets) and a zombie game my friend has on his. Seriously, if he has his Ipod I BEG to play it. That's right. I beg. I am addicted to it. Just thinking about it is making me twitch O.o Not really. That would be creepy.

Anyways, I shall leave now, and proceed on another adventure.

Live long, stay strong :)

New News

Hey y'all!

I discovered something very interesting indeed. I am planning to test for my second dan black belt in December of 2010, and I found out some things about it. I discovered that I have to write a large essay (which is fine), and then I have to write a two part exam (which is also fine), but I also have to do a conditioning peice that will last for 30 min. That is also fine, but I need to get more fit.

Some people testing last time couldn't finish the conditioning and ended up failing the exam. Which sucks. Majorly.

So in order to pass the whole exam, I defidently need to up my game when it comes to preparing for it. I also need to make some even BIGGER life changes than I was trying to make before. Now; run everyday, bucket loads of crunches, and weight practice. I just truly don't want to look like a weight lifter at the end of this...

However, I need to do it in order to pass. I will do ANYTHING to pass this test. It means so much to me, and if I have to work my butt off to do well...

Then consider it done!

My Diagnosis

Okay. So I was being a little emo child yesterday. I apologize.

I woke up this morning and was actually happy. I suppose this makes sense that I went to bed at 12:00 am rather than 2:00 am like most nights...yeah. So that helped, hehehe... ^^"

I also figured out what I must do in order to get myself feeling good again. Get healthier. I like to sit around during the summer and play video games and watch anime (it's it HEAVEN, trust me) but I have been inspired to get healtheir and actually move a little bit on my days off. Starting today.

Please root me on and push me to continue doing this. I could use the back-up. I want to look good for grad and also just to feel better about myself!

So let's get started! :3

Crash and Burn

So things. Not so great.

I can't really put my finger on it, but my self-esteem compltely crashed and now I am a miserable wreck. How fun. Honestly though, everything is so bad...I'm flipping out at people constantly and being so pissed off all the time. I'm just so constantly sad. I also feel bad for flipping out on the people who I am doing that to, because they don't deserve it. I know they don't. But I'm treating everyone like crap and if I ever did anything to anyone who is reading this that was mean in the past few days or have been really quiet in conversations, I am so so so sorry...

I feel like I'm nothing. Not worth thinking about. I dislike myself to the extreme right now. Why do I feel like this? I need to get this out of my system...and fast. I need to get through this rough patch in my life.

I'm at war with myself.

A Love Song

From the look in your eyes, I have realized all that matters
- Juliet Simms

Ah, love songs.

I love love songs :) Actually I am listening to one right now. When I say love song, I do mean, ones that explain how they feel when they are around somebody and how much they care about them. Not the silly songs that they play today that they call love songs.

Most 'love' songs today are only about people who want to party all night long with girls or guys and they will wake up beside them the next morning and leave them. Everything is physical. It's rather frustrating. For example, some have girls dancing in revealling outfits around a guy in their music videos and having a circle of women or men around them grovelling at their feet, making them feel like they're 'all that'.

Those types of songs are not love songs. Not real ones. A love song is a poem of real, authentic, powerful feelings expressed through sound. They are what makes us all think of that one person you give you heart to and make you wish they were in your arms that very second. A real love song is when all your positive emotions seem to take you over, and you physically feel a little lighter. Those are the songs that make you think just how much that one person in your life means to you and really makes you feel; which is too great for words. That is what a real love song is.

In my opinion, the world really needs some more of them. In the words of one of my heroes, Adam Lambert;

"All we need in this world is some love."
- Adam Lambert

So when you have a chance, tell the person you care about so much just how much you love them and care about them. This world can use a little more love :)

Welcoming Back Seasons

Ah, August. On of my favoritist months of the year. Not only is it because it's my birthday soon *yay* but it is the start of my favorite season; autumn.

I think, personally, that autumn is the best season of all time. The leaves changing on the trees; the reds and oranges and browns that seem to add a little more color to our once green world. Soon, the our world will change into an A&W :)

It's also the comfy and cool season that we get on a yearly basis. I am a cool temperture type of person, so sitting around in a cold environment is perfect for someone like me. That's just where I am most comfertable, and it is also just what I am use to. I love it. It's much better than being hot; all sweaty and yucky and smelly and sweaty and sticky and slippery and sweaty. Can you tell I don't like being sweaty? It's just bleh. Then it takes forever to actually cool down in the first place. You chug down multiple drinks in attempts to lower your body temperature and then after you do, you have to pee like a racehorse. You just can't win.

Then, when it comes to being cold, you can cuddle up in a big fluffy blanket and a mug of hot substances, whichever you may prefer, and drink it to your hearts content and be comfy and snuggly all day. You can give people hugs and they will last longer because you are absorbing their body heat. See? Now when you're cold everybody wins!

Also, in autumn, since it is a little more chilly than normal, I get to wear lots and lots of the best type of clothing in the whole wide world...hoodies. I love hoodies. Too much actually hahaha. I have so many, but they are one of my favorite articles of clothing, and therefore I have millions of them. And so should you. Well, okay, maybe not millions...but that would be pretty wicked. In the summer, such as now, I cannot wear my wonderful, beautiful, lovely hoodies. Because of the sun. Grrr. It makes me hot. Much. Too. Hot. So, I am stuck wearing t-shirts (not that t-shirts are bad, I do enjoy t-shirts, but my true love is hoodies) instead of my fashion of choice. Ah well. Soon, I need not worry about that.

Anyway, let us all watch our green, warm world slowly develop into a cooler, orangeier one :)
And yes, it will be beautiful.

Summer Depressants

Have you ever just had something snap in your mind and not fully understand why it happened in the first place? Such as having negative thoughts or some silly realization about something in the past...and now are stuck with looking at your world with a different light? Also, that doesn't necessarily mean a positive outlook either. That's what happened to me. Again. Unfortunatly.

It sucks when this happens too...not only can I not explain why it happens, but I also can't explain what triggers it in the first place. It's super annoying. Plus, it's very depressing. At the moment, I tend to find myself listening to depressing music and being sad. Well, I mean, I always listen to depressing music, hahaha, but this time, it's effecting me much more than I thought it usually should.

Let's just hope this goes away.

New Chapter

Hey all.

I was looking at my last post, and I though "Wow, look at all the awesome people that commented on my post!" Though is was in January...*cough cough* I still thought it would be cool to post something else, and see if maybe someone would read and comment. That would be nice.

Lots have happened in life; new year, new people, and the last year I shall ever be in high school. GASP. Golly, does time fly. That's alright though, I think I could use change of scenery. However, I will of course, miss my friends, who are there for me through thick and thin. I love you all so much. I honestly do. We will all try our best to keep in touch, and though we will meet new people along the way, we will all be connected in some form or another.

I have been excited for both high school and university since I was a little kid...and right now, I'm living the moments I have always wished for. Which is pretty freakin awesome if you asked me :)

University is a second step for me. Sadly, I will miss my dearest Aru-chan, who is moving away from here and off to do explore new places and new things. Luckily, we still have her for another year! Yay! We shall miss her like cRaZy! Love you girl :) <3

A new chapter is arriving for a lot of us. Let's make it a good one.

At Skool

Ello poppets :)

I am currently at school, sitting beside one of my partners in crime and blogging about weird things because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO. ALL AWESOME SITES ARE BLOCKED AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but that's ok :3 I can deal with it. Maybe I'll just be a creeper and look up pictures of cool people or google stupid things for a while. Yes. Sound like a plan. Toodles~

Beside You - Marianas Trench

These are the lyrics I promised the other day when I was mad :)

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up,
And I will hide you if it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

I would do the whole song, but then someone might see it and be like OMG COPYRIGHT and freak out on my and then they'll break into my house and smash up my computer and that would make me very sad because it is a nice computer and then I won't be able to blog or facebook or yahoo! ask or msn or youtube or newgrounds or microsoft word or microsoft office or powerpoint or destroy the world or send hate mail or recieve hate mail or type things or click my mouse or press the start button or turn on the monitor or become glued to the screen (not literally, mind you) or ramble on about silly nonsence that makes no sense and make so many run-on sentances that it will make my english teacher want to hit me over the head with a ruler stick but that's ok because I already finished my english exam for this semester so I don't have an english teacher anymore so I have no ruler beatings to worry about for now but I suppose that I should hide this from my next english teacher who I will have next semester and make sure she doesn't see this because if she does then she will becomd very upset and try to hit me with her own ruler stick and that is not very nice and then she will be in deep trouble for hitting a student and get a suspension from their job she will be sad because she is suspended and I ill be sad because I now have a bruise and then she will find me and hit me again because she is mad at me that I got her suspended but really it wasn't me who got her in trouble and it isn't very nice to blame other innocent and angelic children for their own problems and pretend that they did nothing wrong. Naw, she wouldn't do that. My next english teacher is too nice for that shanaigan :) By the way, guess what I just lost? My sanity. Yes, I made you lose the game. :)

Messed Up

I'm feeling generally pretty lonely lately...it's no fun :( I just feel like I'm drifting away from so many people I am so close to, and it's so weird because just a few weeks ago, everything was fine. Like, a few weeks ago, I was totally cool with how life is, but now everything is slowly, but surley, going to down the drain. I wish there was some way that I could fix everything and reconnect with those people. I have no idea how though...I also feel like a friend of mine isn't treating me fairly. Again, everything was perfectly fine a few weeks ago! Now I'm being dissed to my face and behind my back apparantly. I've been through this crap so many times before, I thought that maybe at this point in my life I could escape from all that. Apparantly I was wrong. I can't seem to get away from people who shoot me down all the time. I wish I had an idea why...I have no clue! Is it my personality? Is it the way I do things, or think about things? What in this world is it that makes me a person that is an easy target for being shot down all the time? It's not fair anymore...I'm so sick of this crap. I'm sick of losing people in my life, who I care about so much, I would call them my family, and I'm so bloody sick of being shot down all the time. I wish the big guy up there can just give me a restart button on life sometimes...maybe there is a way I can change and be less of a volnurable person. I dunno. Or maybe it was just meant to be this way...and I was meant to live my life and one person always gets to shoot me down. Not once in my life have I not had someone who tries to kick me down right after I finish getting up again. Life isn't fair. Nor is it easy. Sometimes I just feel like everything I say or do doesn't have as much meaning anymore. Does it even? If so, who in my life thinks so? I wish I could be more of a strong person when it comes to sticking up for myself. Once my self-esteem has even an ounce of damage to it, I'm screwed over for a really long time. In chemistry, a guy in my class called me a bitch because he was mad at me for trying to get him to do his work. (Yeah, very logical way to solve a problem, isn't it?) Anyways, I just got over that...and that happened almost 2 and a half weeks ago. If I could just get closer with the people I am slowly drifting away from once more, I would be on top of the world again. I may just be over thinking again...I don't know. I also want some respect, damnit, seriously. I want to feel like I matter. Sometimes, I don't. Like now. Thinkng about certain song lyrics help this I suppose. Or thinking about the people who do care about me. I love you guys :) *hugs* haha, yeah, there are a few people out there who I know care, and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. I would be so lost without them. So to finish of this somewhat mellow and unhappy blog post, I'll quote one of my all time favorite songs that makes me feel better if I feel sad. The whole song actually, but I'll make a second post for that :) *sigh* well I feel a little better now. Ranting sure feels good :)

Team Riccy VS Team Dancing-Shadows

Hello :)
Me and my friend are having an epic fight battle of epicness! Not literally mind you. It's not very nice to fight with your friends. Fighting is bad. Violence is never the answer. BUT ANYWAYS we are making a poll of teams. We both need supporters and we are making a poll to see whose team people will join and be supporters. Please vote to be on my team!! If you do, I'll give you a big hug and I'll tell you you're the coolest person EVER, even though you totally are already, I'll just be reminding you that you are ^^ Yes, I am a suck up. Just in case your wondering. Tee hee <3 And if you want to be on both Team Riccy AND Team Dancing-Shadows, support would be much appreciated from the both of us. LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!
Leave a comment to say your choice of team~ or just a comment. I love comments. They make me happy...please leave a comment!! It can be completly random!! Thanks a bunch =)

Christmas and New Years

I guess before I actually say anything, I should probably say MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE~
Unfortunatly, I was REALLY sick with the flu...about 4 hours of sleep isn't much, and I had my first real day of real food today (yay!) The past few days have been full of soup broth and gaterade (best liquid thingy stuff EVER <3) and water. Good, deliciousm healthy water. mmm :) I physically look like a zombie a little bit still, but that's alright...I'm alive...at least I feel and look better than I did before...but I am not dead! I'm bouncing back! :D But now I have a cold. Great XD lol
I hope that you all had fun celebrating your holidays of choice, and that you had a spectaular new years! No hang-overs now. You know, now that I think about it, I wonder how many people actually have a hang-over right now. This must be the one day in history where there is the most hang-overs at one given time in the world. And why do people have to drunk so much on New Years Eve? Why not on Halloween? Or Easter? Not including Christmas, but I guess that would be second place for hang-overs...anyways. Don't drink and drive. There. I made a positive comment about alcohol in this post. Anyways, I hope you had a great holiday, get well soon if you are ill, and have a fun year in 2010 :)